The Holy Empire of Neurotic Pandas is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by the Holy and Great Leader with an even hand, and remarkable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, disturbing lack of elderly people, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 29.042 billion Neurotic Pandasians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sicarus. The average income tax rate is 98.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Neurotic Pandasian economy, worth a remarkable 5,894 trillion Struthiomimuses a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 202,972 Struthiomimuses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Smoking is banned in public areas, Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies, environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway, and drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Neurotic Pandas's national animal is the Kraken, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Chaos worship.

Neurotic Pandas is ranked 124,776^th in the world and 4^th in Axis of Absurdity for Safest, scoring 72.02 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.